…found this link off Slashdot today… In the same vein as Demotivator postors, here are some “motivational Star Trek posters.” Click on for many more images…
Quite amusing if you know anything about Star Trek…if you don’t know anything about Star Trek, then why do I know you? 😉
So, I watched “The Daily Show” tonight…Jon Stewart was kind enough to point out some information that came out today based on the quarterly earnings of BP (British Petroleum):
Last quarter, BP made $55,000 in profit.
Every.
Minute.
Seriously. wtf?!?!
For those that don’t know, a “quarter” lasts 3 months, and there are 1440 min in a day, 43200 in a month, and 129600 in three months. Multiply that times $55,000 and you get approximately $7.1 billion in profits.
Can someone please explain to me why I’m paying $3.05 a gallon right now?
“Hmmm…Jesus is in this movie…Jesus and Jon Bon Jovi… It must be the best movie ever!”
— Brooke, watching the opening credits of “Pay It Forward“
A little wisdom from my man, George Carlin:
“So I worship the sun. But I don’t pray to the sun. You know why? Because I wouldn’t presume on our friendship. It’s not polite. I’ve often thought people treat God rather rudely. Trillions and trillions of prayers every day, asking and pleading and begging for favors. ‘Do this; give me that; I need this; I want that.’ And most of this praying takes place on Sunday, his day off! It’s not nice, and it’s no way to treat a friend.”
“I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. Apparently, they were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Unfortunately, at that time, I was devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, rude, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, cowardly, dirty, and sacrilegious. So I waited a few years and joined the army.”
So, I was watching The Late Show with David Letterman from Monday night (May 15, 2006) and, most specifically, Letterman’s interview with William Shatner…They didn’t talk about much besides Shatner’s horse ranch and his competitions, but towards the end, Dave asked about Shatner’s kidney stone. For those who don’t know, he had a kidney stone and, after he passed it, someone suggested that he sell it. The thing went for $75,000 grand (to a casino, I think…)… Apparently, Shatner used his $75,000 grand from the kidney stone, added it to the cash raised by the other “Boston Legal” cast members, and they donated $95,000 to Habitat for Humanity to build houses in Louisiana…
So…some lucky bastard in New Orleans is living in a house primarily paid for by Jim Kirk’s kidney stone…
Only in America, yo…
Congratulations! So, new format here…with no jokes I might be more likely to post since the pressure’s off to be funny. But not to worry, if I hear something hilarious, I’ll let you know. Like, Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors?? Because if it had four, it would be a sedan!
So, Brooke and I were watching “Numb3rs” last night and she asked the following:
“Is it cold in here…or am I just crazy?”
…to which…I responded simply in uncontrollable laughter…
😉
“The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington’s face.”
— Rob Corddry, “The Daily Show”
That one’s for you, Liz… 😉
So, I defy you people to come up with a worse song than “Summer Girls” by LFO.? Yes, this is the worst song ever written.? I only bring this up because I heard “Hey Ya” by OutKast yesterday…which is a close second…but “Summer Girls” is, by far, the single worst song ever written.? Please…try to find a worse one for me…
Here are the lyrics.? I recommend taking a few shots of tequila before reading them…
————————————————-
Yeah…I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
…when we met..That summer??
[Chorus]
New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I’d take her if I had one wish,
But she’s been gone since that summer..
Since that summer
[Verse 1]
Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You’re the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can’t speak baby
Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can’t forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn’t Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain’t speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
[Chorus]
[Verse 2]
Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you’re near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
[Repeat Chorus]
Bridge In the summertime girls got it goin on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I’ll steal your honey like I stole your bike
[Verse 3]
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before,I think I’m over you
but I’m really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
[Repeat Chorus][Bridge]
In the summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I’ll steal your honey like I stole your bike
[Repeat Chorus]
As reported in the February 9, 2006 episode of The Colbert Report, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said the following to the senate judiciary committee regarding President Bush’s wiretapping shenanigans:
“I gave in my opening statement, Senator, examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt…have all authorized electronic surveillance of the enemy on a far broader scale…”
— Atty. Gen. Alberto Gonzalez
“I can’t believe he said that!? Those are precious state secrets!? No one’s supposed to know about George Washington’s covert electronic surveillance program!”
— Stephen Colbert
Seriously…who the hell appointed that guy?? Oh yeah…the Republicans…what a big surprise…
