Posted on by andy

Soccer = Pat Robertson

So, Thursday night, I went to Praise Band practice and, at the same time, some yearly pre-school event was going on…the parking lot was full of vehicles…and therefore, I come to the following conclusion:

Soccer moms will cause the end of the world.

Let me explain… Soccer moms drive mini-vans…and more recently, because they didn’t like the stigma surrounding them and their bretheren, they started driving SUVs. More and more SUVs. The largest ones possible. The more soccer moms there are, the more SUVS and mini-vans that drive on the roads, and it is those vehicles that cause greenhouse gases to knock down the ozone layer and increase global warming.

Therefore, rather than killing off all the soccer moms to solve this problem, I say that we eliminate soccer as a sport. It isn’t that entertaining anyway. And we’d save the world while doing it…literally…

Who’s with me?

7 Replies to “Soccer = Pat Robertson”

  1. Well, two things:

    1. While SUVs and minivans do contribute more to pollution that other vehicles, they’re not the only problem. I would guess that for every SUV there are several more cars. This could be considered a moot point, so the more important observation is that “soccer mom” is just a generic label because “baseball mom” isn’t as fun to say. Eliminating a sport only causes the migration to other sports.

    2. God help you if you tried to eliminate soccer anywhere outside of the United States. Most of Europe would hunt you down.

    But I’ll agree with the fact that SUVs are unecessary.

  3. I know you just said that to rile people like me up. Soccer is an awesome sport! And let’s not even get into all those other professional sports (cough American football) and such. And wouldn’t you rather have a bunch of kids out there active than a generation of obese kids that we’ll eventually have to pay for? And come on Andy, you can NOT even say it’s equivalent to your favorite person! Kate or somebody, back me up!

  5. Hmm yeah you don’t seem to be getting much support on the elimination of soccer (and for good reason). I’d have to say soccer good, moms good, SUVs I’m not so fond of. What’s the point of an SUV, why waste all the gas and drive a huge death machine? Hummers well I hate hummers even more. Anyways my point – I think you’re displacing your anger against SUVs onto soccer or you are jealous cause you ain’t got game.

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