The first trailer I saw for “G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra” worried me greatly. In no way did it resemble the popular 80s cartoon of my childhood, and contained largely B-level actors and special effects.
For the most part, my initial assessment was correct.
The movie centers on the origins of the characters we know from the show, including Duke and Ripcord. At this point, Cobra, as an organization, doesn’t exist yet, but its leader(s) (specifically, Destro) are just getting started. A few old favorites, including General Hawk, Scarlett, and my personal favorite, Snake-Eyes, make their respective appearances early on, as you would generally expect: the Joes come in and save Duke and Rip Cord from the Baroness and Storm Shadow, then take them into their organization and train them to be the elite fighters they should be (wait…isn’t that how it happened in “X-Men?” …yup…)
The effects in the trailer looked terrible and, generally, they didn’t improve at all in the full feature film. There were definitely some cool sequences and transitions put in there, but a few extra effects dollars would have gone a long way to make it the spectacle it was trying to be. While they were at it, they should have tried actually spending some money on actors. Dennis Quaid (General Hawk) was barely a player (and wasn’t particularly good), and Christopher Eccleston (Destro) was wasted. Sienna Miller (The Baroness) did the best job of them all, in my opinion, but the guy they chose to play Duke was pretty horrible…and he’s the focus of the whole movie… Joseph Gordon-Levitt also makes an appearance, as well as Brendan Fraser…randomly…
There weren’t as many terrible one-liners in it as I would have expected, thankfully. There were actually a few funny moments, especially with the addition of Marlon Wayans (Ripcord) providing a little levity. Your trademarked “knowing is half the battle” was definitely in there as well, delivered by Dennis Quaid…and no, he wasn’t talking about staying off drugs… For the most part, however, the script and plot, as a whole, was derivative and cliche. Then again, it’s a movie based on a 1980s cartoon put out to sell toys…much like another franchise I know (that did it better).
That all said, it wasn’t as bad as it could be. Again, some of those action sequences were actually pretty sweet, but some extra money to make them truly top notch would have been welcome. While the acting was very, very bad overall, I didn’t really expect it to be good in the first place, so whatever…not a big loss…
Anyway, certainly not the best movie I’ve seen this summer, but I thought it would be a lot worse. I probably won’t be picking up the DVD, but I’m glad I saw it.
I hated this movie from the first teaser trailer… If I want to see a horrible plot with an attempt at fancy special effects, I’ll go watch “Stealth” (which I won’t). I saw about 2 mins of that on TBS once and couldn’t stand anymore. Anyway, I’ve seen a number of folks say the same thing and I appreciate the intel so I won’t be wasting $10 on a crap film. I mean seriously, how can you mess up G.I. Joe??? Well done, sirs, well done….
I feel I should provide some contrast to Andy’s analysis.
I noticed something when I looked at GI Joe on Rotten Tomatoes the other day. The reviews all say essentially the same thing, something along the lines of “This movie is poorly acted and compensates with excessively over-the-top action sequences.” The only difference is in what follows that statement: either “It was terrible,” or “It was awesome.” I think this indicative of a split in marketing demographics.
What I mean to say is, of course it was dumb with mediocre special effects and bad acting. That’s the GI Joe tradition. Go back and watch the cartoon. It’s poorly animated, poorly written, and generally silly, but manages to somehow pop out the other side of terrible into the realm of awesome by simply being incredibly entertaining. The new movie falls easily within that realm. Don’t go in expecting Industrial Light and Magic effects and Oscar-winning performances. Go in expecting a movie that is dumb as rocks and entertaining as hell. If that isn’t the kind of movie you’re looking for, then no, don’t see it, but don’t bash it for being exactly the kind of movie it should be. Not every movie needs to be Citizen Kane, or even The Bourne Identity. And the movie does a spectacular job at preserving the atmosphere that defined the old TV show (I can lend the old animated movie to anyone who disagrees with me. You’ll realize how right I am by the time it’s over.).
Point is, I don’t see why it’s necessary to rank movies. I went, I saw it, I was entertained. Who cares how it compares to anything else?
Also, for the record, I don’t know why you expected Dennis Quaid to do any acting. Have you seen any of his other movies? They’re not good.
Video evidence of my point:
Aaand this was too good not to share.
I do agree with you, Mike…and I was entertained, as well.
I made the comparison with “Transformers,” another 80s cartoon that rose out of a toy line. In many respects, the acting, one-liners and comedy from that movie are on par with “G.I. Joe,” but again, I think the budget is where the differences lie.
“Transformers” was a spectacle of computer animation. I came out of that movie marveling at how they did their robot fight scenes and how awesome they all were. Heck, I ended up seeing the movie twice and was impressed both times with the detail on those robots. The climactic scene at the end, in the city, between the Autobots and Decepticons, was amongst the best computer animation this decade. No, the lines and acting weren’t all that good, but I didn’t care because they put the money into the effects and made me “giggle with glee” as you did. The effects were the star of the movie.
“G.I. Joe,” on the other hand, had the same caliber of acting and script (arguably), but the effects did not stand up there with “Transformers.” Now, if there were some awesome fight scenes in there, I may have let the acting and script go as I did with “Transformers”…but I just wasn’t impressed… A plane shooting down missiles, or some guys running fast on the road, or a fake-looking green cloud tearing down the Eiffel Tower…they just don’t compare as well.
Some great ninja sword fighting only goes so far, I’m afraid…
And you just ignore my hilarious video contributions? I am disappointed.