Mitch Hedberg

So, I was cleaning out some files I have lying around and found this list of Mitch Hedberg quotes that I stole from someone’s blog last year… I’ve posted them in my Articles section, but here are a few for your enjoyment:

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don?t even act like I didn?t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here. It’s in my file at home. Under ‘D.'”

“An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'”

“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that?s the problem. There?s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.”

End-of-the-year Quotes

Here are some good quotes from people who passed away this year, published in TIME Magazine, dated January 2, 2006:

“I wasn’t tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day… No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in.”
— Rosa Parks

“I live in racist America and I’m uneducated, yet a lot of people love me and like what I do, and I can make a living from it. You can’t do much better than that.”
— Richard Pryor

“The theater is so endlessly fascinating because it’s so accidental. It’s so much like life.”
— Arthur Miller

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
— Hunter S. Thompson

“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
— Johnnie Cochran

“The military don’t start wars. Politicians start wars.”
— Gen. William Westmoreland

“I’m not a slave to objectivity, because I’m never quite sure what it means. It means different things to different people.”
— Peter Jennings

Good ol’ O’Reilly…

Here’s something amusing for your day…from Chortler.com

Winning Entries In The Say Something Nice About Bill O’Reilly Contest

10) He’s not Ann Coulter.

9) I like his tie.

8) His pointer finger is very well muscled.

7) They’ve been doing a better job with Bill’s makeup lately. He looks almost life-like.

6) He?s not a twin, is he? If not, that would be good.

5) …..(still thinking)…….I got it! O wait, no……..

4) There is no odor when I watch him on TV.

3) Bill O’Reilly is not solely responsible for the demise of American democracy over the past five years.

2) It’s very nice of Mr O’Reilly to consider leaving!

1) At least he’s not Kevin Federline.

Good ol' O'Reilly…

Here’s something amusing for your day…from Chortler.com

Winning Entries In The Say Something Nice About Bill O’Reilly Contest

10) He’s not Ann Coulter.

9) I like his tie.

8) His pointer finger is very well muscled.

7) They’ve been doing a better job with Bill’s makeup lately. He looks almost life-like.

6) He?s not a twin, is he? If not, that would be good.

5) …..(still thinking)…….I got it! O wait, no……..

4) There is no odor when I watch him on TV.

3) Bill O’Reilly is not solely responsible for the demise of American democracy over the past five years.

2) It’s very nice of Mr O’Reilly to consider leaving!

1) At least he’s not Kevin Federline.

Craziness…

So yeah, do you remember hearing about crazy fools fighting at Wal-Marts at 5:00 am on Nov. 26th? Well, Brooke and I joined in the fun… We saw that Wal-Mart had a cheap-o laptop for sale at just under $500 in the ad on Thanksgiving day…didn’t think much of it… Well, then I went by Slickdeals.net and saw that the deal was actually $378…which is insane for a laptop that has a decent AMD processor in it, a burner and wireless networking… Brooke is getting to the point where she needs a different computer (since her HP is 5 years old and a 1 GHz desktop will only do so much with WinXP installed…), so we decided to make the attempt…

Well, we got there at 4:50 am…and the parking lot was pretty full. We walked inside and everyone was back at the electronics department in a line…like…40-50 people in each of two lines. One line was for the laptop…the other was for a $50 GameBoy Advance… We come to find out that they only had 18 of the laptops. We didn’t get one. We were back in bed and sleeping by 5:30… 😛

Anyway, the weekend overall was pretty good. Got to visit with both sides of the family and got to see friends in Columbia, so that was really good…hadn’t seen Jeff or Jason in about a year (not my fault… :-P), so good times were had.

Now, I just have to get back in the “finish this semester before your head explodes” mentality…

Sounds good to me!

Doom is like some kid came over and is using your computer and won’t let you play.”
— Roger Ebert; Chicago Sun-Times

“The phrase ‘worse than Super Mario Brothers‘ should not be tossed around lightly when it comes to feature film adaptations of popular video games.”
— Dan Fienberg; ZAP2IT.COM

“…aspires to be more than just a gory shoot em’ up–though it’d still be a stretch to call it a thinking man’s action movie.”
— Robert K. Elder; Chicago Tribune

“No plot, no surprises. If you’ve played the game, you’ve already had more fun.”
— Tom Hallman; Atlanta Journal-Constitution

“…basically a deadly dull rehash of Resident Evil, which in turn was a third-generation clone of Aliens.”
— Lou Lumenick; New York Post

…dude…when I get back here on Sunday…I’m so seeing “Doom“… 😉

sigh…

(01:31:07) tsunathanh: Andy. I have to tell you this… a few short hours ago I shaved mikes head.
(01:31:10) tsunathanh: Jerry said
(01:31:31) tsunathanh: ,”Ha! You look like a white Mr. Clean!”

…if anyone sees Jerry…they should a). laugh at him and b). smack him upside the head…if you’re feeling particularly gracious, you should remove him from the gene pool for the rest of us…

😛

…oh, Pastafarianism…

So, Dr. Zassenhaus is teaching right now in my lecture class about basic Mendelian genetics. He told us earlier this week that he was making a presentation today in reference to Intelligent Design and Evolution, so I’ve been looking forward to this all week because I haven’t heard much discussion amongst Ph.D. scientists that I know and the sources I’ve read through discussing the subject rarely consult pure molecular biologists and biochemists…and I came away from the presentation with a few interesting points…

First of all, Zassenhaus began the discussion talking about the Kreb’s Cycle. For those who don’t remember, this is a pathway in mitochondria (an organelle in our cells) that converts relatively simple carbon chains into other forms, generating ATP, which is the “currency” that creates energy in our bodies. Since it is a cycle, the products begin in one state, are converted to another state, and are then returned to their original state to start the cycle once again. One of the classic Intelligent Design arguments is that this process is not reducible; one cannot remove a part of this cycle and still have it function, leading them to suppose that an intelligent creator must have created this pathway. The process couldn’t have simply “appeared” on its own, already functioning.

The problem with this assumption, as Zassenhaus further enumerated, is in the fundamental argument for Intelligent Design: that life is too complex to have just happened. The argument, as he states, is the classic “Watchmaker Analogy,” such that if you are walking in a field and see a watch, you know that it didn’t simply appear, but that someone had to make it. The problem is that all of Intelligent Design arguments stem from that one analogy. There is no evidence besides it. The one scientific study he could find that tried finding true evidence was carried out by a mathmetician (Dembski) who said that the chances of such a thing appearing is something like 10^-170 (that’s one time in 1,000,000[continue to 169 “0”s…]), which is unbelievably small…bordering on impossible…

As Zassenhaus concluded, these probabilities outline a huge flaw in the thinking: where Intelligent Design advocates believe such a pathway just sprung into existence, and was created by someone else, biologists for years have viewed the formation of proteins/enzymes/etc. differently, as individual subunits that are added on and removed to provide a different function that wasn’t there originally. Therefore, those statistics don’t apply to the way we know biology to work. Sure, it says that such a thing as the Kreb’s Cycle appearing out of a soup of random amino acids is really small…but the chances of a different protein forming out of that soup is very possible, and then that protein adding on other parts of different proteins is also possible…slowly adding together to form the pathway we know as the Kreb’s Cycle.

In short (’cause I wasn’t, overall…), the moral is: Intelligent Design advocates have yet to produce true, testable, scientific evidence beyond the flawed probability studies. Is Intelligent Design still possible? Of course it is! But, as Zassenhaus said, teaching it alongside Evolution on equal footing as a viable scientific theory is, quite simply, nuts. In that room of 20+ Ph.Ds., there were none that defended Intelligent Design in the way it has been portrayed as a science. They all believe it should be relegated to a philosophy class, not the science classroom. Unfortunately, the “powers that be” refuse to listen to the scientific community on what should be taught and what shouldn’t be.

Figures…

So, in that vein, can anyone give me evidence to the contrary that isn’t based on “evidence by analogy?” I know that Andy S. already gave me information on another theory…hehehehe…

Oh, arrogance…

You know, I’m sure I’ve had some arrogant moments in my lifetime…but seriously… I was watching “The Daily Show” tonight and Stephen Colbert did his usual “This Week in God” bit, generally talking about Hurricane Katrina and how multiple conservative Christian groups were trying to give evidence that it was a sign from God… During the clip, he showed a few clips from our good friend Pat Robertson…

…who apparently…now has his own diet shake…I kid you not…

Have you been by Pat Robertson.com lately? I certainly have… It’s kinda funny just to read the links off the main page, where multiple links are directed at clarifying statements that the idiot has made (…about Hugo Chavez, during an interview with George Stephanopolis, another regarding Liberia, etc.). The man really is full of himself, and certainly has a lot of people believing him… I really wish I could say that he has his heart in the right place, but I can’t…I just think he’s insane…

I guess when I open up the newspaper next week and see that good ‘ol Pat took some people on a “religious outing” to Waco, TX. with the FBI in tow, I won’t be too terribly surprised…

Oh, funny…

Go to http://www.google.com/ and search for “failure”, but be sure to click “I’m Feeling Lucky” instead of the normal search option…

…it’s glorious…and so true… 😉

(this one is credited to Nathan…good man…)