Quotes From People I Know

“Hmmmm…must be butt cancer…”
“What, do you get that from smoking too much crack?”

“I don’t think in complete sentences…”
— Brooke…

“Nothing says ‘happy holidays’ like a Klingon Bird-of-Prey.”
— Kristen Linsenbardt…dork… 😉

“College is like a woman – you work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you’d never come.”
— Brett Michalson (he likely didn’t say it)

“My first rememberence of him is before I even knew him and he had pulled one of his testicles out of his pants and pretended there was gum on the seat.”
— Anne Gumbel…referring to Gavin…heh…

“…and it’s also a concern because he’s gonna go die…but it’s okay…he’ll survive…”
— Elizabeth…her brother’s joining the reserves…

“Well you know, Andy, plant sex is the best…”
— Mackenzie…she’s a Bio plant dork…

“I feel like I’m winning every time! See, I beat the bubble. It’s like a game: me against the bubble wrap!”
— Brooke…playing with bubble wrap…heh…

“I used to climb up in a tree and listen to the ‘Aladdin’ soundtrack.”
— Mike
“Why up in a tree?”
— Andy
“Because it was peaceful…”
— Mike

“…so, it’s like, you can have a conversation with the bird…except you don’t know what they’re saying…”
— Brooke…while trying to whistle…or something like that…

“Flying by plane is 22 times safer than flying by car.”
— Kristen Pingel…in a speech on airline safety… She’s Republican…

“What’s the other name for ‘poop?'”
— Lauren
“…start’s with an ‘s’…ends with ‘hit’…”
— Jimmy
“Oooooh! I never made that connection!!”
— Lauren

“Truman State: the Harvard of the Midwest, the Princeton of the Plains, the MIT of Highway 63.”
— Stuart Belden…Class of 2002…

“What are you gonna do with a Peace Studies major, get a job at the peace factor?”
— Ben Arnet

“I want to have a pink car someday…but I don’t want to be a Mary Kay lady…”
— Brooke Baumann…’nuff said…

“I used to hate it when people would play that game where they hit me with my own hands ’cause I’d never win.”
— Amanda Romine

“‘You’d rather see me in a pen,
than me an’ Lorenzo chillin’ in a Benzo,
something, something, something,
and when I’m finished, bring the yellow tape!
To mark off the scene of the slaughter
something, something bread and water…’

My most lasting memory of Vietnam will likely be when I was pretending to
cordon off the dead rat while I sang ‘mark off the scene of the slaughter.'”
— Erik Seaberg…while in Vietnam…

“Don’t you talk bad about Nelly or I’ll throw you out. He’s a St. Louis product. I gotta protect ‘im.”
— Sal Costa

“Hey, if Kansas didn’t suck so bad, the wind wouldn’t blow here…”
— Jon Nierling (he probably didn’t come up with that on his own, but it’s still funny/true…)

“I’ve dumped loads that put bears to shame.”
— Dennis Burgart

“Am I allowed to tell the professor to kiss my yellow ass?”
–Lisa Farley (she’s Asian…)

“The chairs suck? So we have vacuumized chairs…”
— Sal Costa

“She’s too friendly. I don’t know what her deal is.”
— Matt Wind

“Man, my grandma pours beer faster than you.”
— Kevin
“Yeah, I bet she gives lots of head, too.”
— Gavin

“Teachers are primarily supposed to listen and learn…otherwise, they don’t have anything to teach about.”
— Dr. Joel Benson

“Let’s go sledding…no…that’d be cold…”
— Kate Pickett

“‘Total Eclipse of the Heart.’ Yup, we’re singing it. What of you!! Three guys singing ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ in the front bedroom of their duplex is nothing to be ashamed of. Yeah, I said it.”
— Matt Gore…I actually used to lived with that guy…

“It’s only cancer, man. They’ve got radiation to kill that.”
— Chris Mikkelson…he doesn’t go to school…

“No, I didn’t just smoke a phat doobie right before class. I stared into an ultraviolet laser, so my face is all red and puffy.”
— Dr. Madsen

“I’d make porn that makes you think. Existential porn.”
— Stu Belden

“Why do we need explosive detection methods? Terrorists. Because they all want to increase your entropy.”
— Joel Brockmeyer…obviously a Chemistry major…

“Andy, how large is a 3 in. binder?”
— Joe Sartors

“It just goes in circles until your brain explodes.”
— Anup Parikh, regarding a sentence from another group’s ecology paper…

“We still use steam to power the catapults on the nuclear powered sailing ships like the USS Enterprise.”
— Dr. Kenneth Fountain

“I’ll give you a coclear implant!”
— Dr. Kenneth Fountain

“Pretend this piece of chalk is half a ‘J’…”
— Dr. Kenneth Fountain

“Arrividerce, Flouride ion…”
— Dr. Kenneth Fountain

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