New-ish Quotes

“Over the past seven excruciating years, I’ve come to terms with the President being incompetent. The fact that we now know that he’s been capable of doing good all along, but has simply chosen not to – that really burns.”

— John Oliver; “The Daily Show,” regarding President Bush’s efforts for aid in Africa.

“Meredith has a very well-oiled horse.”

— Brooke!

“Any society that is willing to sacrifice a little liberty to gain a little security deserves neither and will lose both.”

— Ben Franklin

“When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong — or absolutely right.”
— Albert Guinon

“Guess what…I got a fever…and the only prescription…is more cowbell.”
— Christopher Walken; “SNL – Blue Oyster Group”

“Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer.”
— George Carlin

“Hey, you were born — finish what was started.”
— Bobby Gaylor; “Suicide”

“The right thing isn’t always the opposite of the wrong thing.”
— Rod Calloway; ABC’s “Commander in Chief”

“The view from my apartment was the World Trade Center. And now it’s gone. This symbol of American ingenuity, and strength, and labor, and imagination, and commerce, and it is gone. But you know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. You can’t beat that.”
— Jon Stewart

“You’re on CNN. My… The show that leads in to me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?”
— Jon Stewart; On CNN’s “Crossfire” [2004]

“What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.”
— Jon Stewart; On CNN’s “Crossfire” [2004]

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
— Douglas Adams

“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie ? deliberate, contrived and dishonest ? but the myth ? persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.”
— John F. Kennedy

“Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.”
— John F. Kennedy

“If soldiers were to begin to think, not one of them would remain in the army.”
— Frederick the Great

“All wars are wars among thieves who are too cowardly to fight and therefore induce the young manhood of the whole world to do the fighting for them.”
— Emma Goldman

“Let’s be honest – this electorate has switched because that Christian right has taken over the Republican Party. They started it in the ’80s with Reagan and Pat Robertson. And like a parasite on a host, they now own it? Let’s examine what ‘moral values’ are. Because I don’t think religion always corresponds with moral values. To me ? and they’re very good at conflating morality with religion, just the way George Bush won election by conflating integrity with monogamy. He ran against Bill Clinton and his terrible blowjob by saying, ‘I have integrity.’ That’s different than monogamy. Okay, the same way, when we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. That’s different. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.”
— Bill Maher; “Real Time with Bill Maher”

“I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay’s show last night? She was really singing, and I was saying, ‘Bring back the lip synch.’ ?And it struck me that Ashlee Simpson is a lot like George Bush ? because she wouldn’t even really be in the big leagues if it wasn’t for family connections, and she’s in way over her head. And she doesn’t know what to do. And she blamed her band.”
— Bill Maher; “Real Time with Bill Maher”

“A new poll shows 66% of Americans think President Bush is doing a poor job handling the war in Iraq. The remaining 34% think Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs on the way to church.”
— Tina Fey; “SNL”

“We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.”
— Edward R. Murrow

“Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.”
— Albert Einstein

“Minds are like parachutes – they only function when open.”
— Thomas Dewey

“There are known knowns. There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know that we don’t know.”
— Donald Rumsfeld, trying to clarify the war on terrorism

?Good health is merely the slowest way to die.??
— Unknown

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”
— Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

“Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”
— Malcolm Forbes

“When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.”
— Benjamin Disraeli

“Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
— Elbert Hubbard

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